March 17, 2015

A Year Ago Today...

A year ago today, around this same time in the evening, Steve and I sat on the couch in our living room and listened to a voice mail. The original call had come around two early that day, but I refused to listen to it until we were together. We snuggled on the couch, held each other's hands and listened.

Our nurse Kristine's voice rang out,  "Hello, Lorena..." I didn't really have to hear the rest, her tone of voice was enough, but just to be sure, I listened on. "We got the results of your beta back. You are pregnant! Congratulations!" We hugged each other and cried, and our world changed forever.

Five and half years of waiting was finally over.

And the past year has been filled with ups and downs, like any year (IVF, Steve's promotion to Philly, Steve's being moved to Reading, selling our house, not selling our house, leaving my job to be a mom, Steve taking a new job, HAVING A BABY), but I can honestly say that it has probably been the best year of my life. I think I can even say that it has been the best year of our life. Steve and I have grown even closer and our marriage has become even stronger.

Our little Cai turns four months old tomorrow, and he certainly fits the meaning of his name, "rejoice", both because he makes us rejoice and because he is such a joyful baby.

I've been mentally writing another post about infertility and the continuing effects it still has on us, but right now, I just want to rejoice.

Thank you , Lord, for all that you have given.

February 23, 2015

Today I'm Feeling...

One year ago this week, I made another post with the same title. I thought I'd do a comparison post today.

Last Year
Tired. The past couple of days have been super stressful between financial drama regarding the IVF and the snow causing me to be late for doctor's appointments, and battling a severe headache today. Is it spring yet?

This Year
Healthy. I have not been sick since a slight cold just after becoming pregnant. I think that is the longest I have gone in my ENTIRE LIFE without being sick. I'm chalking it up mostly to God's graciousness with a small nod to my prenatal vitamins. I'm tired, but not extremely so. I'm also feeling pretty emotionally healthy too.

Last Year
Relieved. All of the financial issues were worked out thanks to an amazing husband who jumped to the rescue to the point of leaving work early and driving two and a half hours to pick me up and work things out at the bank, and thanks to God's perfect timing with our income tax return.

This Year
Provided for. We cut our income significantly between Steve's pay cut with his job change and my not working, but God is providing everything that we need. More importantly, Steve is home at least four more hours a day than he used to be and is far less stressed now that he is no longer working for Walmart. 

Last Year
Thankful. For my Lord's perfect timing. Between all of the money falling into place at literally the eleventh hour and some other little things that He's done, I'm feeling so thankful. I mean, even, in a weird way, the fact that my sister has been sick and home from work for a few weeks now has been a blessing. Having someone here with me when Steve is stuck at work because of the snow has made this stressful time (and dark winter) bearable. I'm not glad that she's sick, but the timing has been a blessing to me and I'm so thankful for her and how she's helped me. (Pray for her if you think of it. Although she's not really in any real danger, the time until full recovery is indefinite right now.)

This Year
Content. I feel like I am exactly where I should be at the this point in my life. Although I miss my identity as a teacher, I am 100% happy with being a stay at home wife and mom. This is what God has designed me for right now, and although it was difficult waiting for Him to bring us to this point, I wouldn't give up anything that led us here.

Last Year
Excited. It's all really starting to feel real now. I will most likely be pregnant soon (I'm not going to share the exact timing, partly because I don't know it yet, and partly because I want to be able to keep it to ourselves for at least a day or so after we find out, haha).

This Year
Excited. Cai is growing and changing so much every day, and I'm excited to see what comes next. We are going to be going on vacation with Steve's family my family in May, and I can't wait to experience it with Cai. It's so weird to think about all of the things we have to pack for traveling with a baby and that Cai will be a different baby in three months than he is now, doing completely different things! It is so fun to watch him learn and try news things every day!

Last Year
Hopefully Expectant. I feel like I have turned a corner with hope and am feeling more expectant than intrepid right now. I feel like I had to take a faith jump this week to prove that. It's a silly thing, but I have to order my bridesmaid dress for my sister-in-law's wedding which is in July. The dress is being discontinued, so I have to order it before I find out that I'm definitely pregnant, but I'm still going to order as if I will be pregnant. Actually, per the David's Bridal consultant suggestion, I will order three sizes bigger instead of the normally suggested two sizes because as she put it, "you're more likely to have twins, so I would go up three sizes." Apparently she is moderately familiar with IVF, haha.

This Year
Hopefully Expectant. We are already thinking about when we will do a frozen embryo transfer with two of the four frozen babies we have. There's a sense of urgency knowing that they are already in existence and waiting for us. I would like to breast feed for a full year, then take a month or so to do some detoxing, focusing specifically on liver health in hopes of preventing a recurrence of cholestasis during my (Lord willing) next pregnancy, then start the process of the FET. It will be less expensive and less time consuming than a fresh IVF was. The possibility of twins is a little more daunting now that we've had one baby than it was before we had any, but with the possibility of having to have more c sections, we don't want to risk four pregnancies. It's also difficult not to assume that future pregnancy will happen because we were successful on our first try. We are still battling infertility even though we have a baby now (although it is completely different now), and I have to remind myself that it may be in God's plan that we have only one biological baby. 

Last Year
Puffy. I started the FSH stimulating meds this week and my ovaries started to feel puffy and bloated very quickly, like after the second day of these. Because of my PCOS, I'm at risk for hyperstimulation, so this concerned me, but I went in for my bloodwork today to check my estradiol level and the doctor decided to cut the rest of my Follistim doses in half just to be safe. This makes me feel better and safer. Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome is not super common (I think like 5% of women get it or something), but another blogger I follow, who also has PCOS, just went through it, and I'd like to avoid it at all costs.
Because of the puffiness in my abdomen, I've been leaning toward looser clothing like yoga pants, and stretchy skirts and dresses. Unfortunately I can't wear yoga pants to work and have a limited number of dresses and skirts that I can wear (especially with boots which I'm leaning toward because I'm still having to park at the end of my very long driveway and walk down through the snow every morning), so I'm finding myself making a wish list of dresses like this one from Like Twice or this one from Target.

Sore. I'm not a huge fan of the Follistim pen and the menopur injections. They sting for a while afterward even after I ice the injection spot. Keeping busy and distracted after giving them helps. So does putting ice on them afterward, but I'm still not loving it. Giving myself the lupron injections made me feel empowered. These new ones are not my friends though. I did read some tips on handling these from this blog and this one.

This Year
Plump. And not pleasantly. Technically I have only ten more pounds of baby weight to lose, but I still feel huge. Not to mention I was overweight to begin with, so there's a lot more weight I would like to lose. I go through cycles of being content with having a different body now to being disgusted with the way I look. I am basically one giant stretch mark now. The only body parts without stretch marks are my feet (amazingly enough because they looked like somebody pumped them up with a bicycle pump) and my face. I have more chins than I ever have before and a belly that isn't just bigger than I want it to be, but that flops over. I do some exercising, but pregnancy has left my joints very stiff; I often still feel like I'm carrying the full 45 lbs. I gained, especially in my hips and knees. There's a fine balance between loving your body where it is now and striving for good health, and I have yet to find it.

Last Year
Surrounded. By the prayers and encouragement of so many people. It makes me really glad that I'm being open about this process. Although I'm sure others think I'm nuts because I'm being so open, it has made me feel loved and helps to know that so many people are praying. My coworkers and bosses have been particularly amazing and accommodating. My family has also been absolutely amazing.

This Year
Conflicted. I am over the moon with joy about God putting Cai in our life, and I want to shout it from the roof tops, but sometimes I feel guilty shouting so loudly, because I know there are women struggling like I did, some who feel like they have no hope. I try to remember that I was excited and happy for people I knew who went from struggling to having a baby, but I also don't want to flaunt my happiness. There's almost a feeling of guilt for feeling so happy and fulfilled. It's another area where I need to find balance. Which reminds me, Logan of With Great Expectation, whose blog posts I have shared here here before, made a post this week about the conflict between the difficulty of being a mom and feeling guilty because other people are desperate for even the hard parts. I can honestly say that being a mom hasn't been super difficult for me yet, but I really struggled with those feeling while I was pregnant, especially in the last trimester when I was still puking, itching all over, aching, etc. I did not enjoy that at all, and I wanted to, and did, complain, but I was still thankful. Again, it's a difficult balance.

February 19, 2015

Cai Alexander: Three Months

Yesterday, Cai turned three months old. This is one of my favorite baby stages! He's starting to interact and his personality is beginning to show. Here's what's going on in Cai's world right now...

New Things: Cai has discovered his hands. They are constantly being chewed on, sucked on, and clasped against his chest. This was our first sign of another new thing, teething. He started the chewing a few weeks ago and followed it up with ridiculous amounts of drool. I thought it was highly unlikely that he was starting to teeth at two months, but in the past two days we've noticed a little bleeding on his gums where a first tooth usually shows up and some extra fussiness. He's still a happy baby, but there are times when you can tell he's uncomfortable. Thankfully it hasn't affected his ability to sleep through the night or to nurse comfortably. I do feel really bad for him though because he's not coordinated enough to put anything other than his hands in his mouth, so he can't even use a teether right now. I do plan to try giving him a frozen washcloth to gnaw on, and I bought some Hyland's teething tablets. 
Other than that, he has started to pay attention to toys around him, he can recognize mama from across the room. He smiles and giggles spontaneously at people. He has let a real belly laugh a few times, but it's difficult to make it happen. Actually, every time we've heard it has been while he's on the changing table, his favorite spot.  I'm pretty sure rolling over isn't too far away. He really likes to "stand"; sometimes it's actually difficult to get him to sit. He holds his head up pretty steadily almost all the time, unless he's about to fall asleep, then he looks like a drunk bald man.

Growth: Cai is now 13 lbs 1 oz. and 24 inches long which is perfectly average, right at the 50th percentile. He is still wearing 0-3 month clothes, but about half of those are too small.  He went through a growth spurt last week, nursing constantly. He went from spending an average of two and a half hours a day eating to five hours! I felt like I never left the couch! 
Sleep: Cai sleeps through the night almost every night. About once a week he will wake up once for a feeding, but he goes right back down. He sleeps from between 8-9 PM to 7-8:30 AM. For awhile we were struggling with getting him to go to sleep easily, but three out of the past four nights he has gone to sleep without a peep. I'm chalking it up to establishing a clearer routine for him. I nurse him in the living room, then bring him to his room, change his diaper, dim the lights, put a little bit of lavender lotion on him, swaddle him (with one arm out so he can suck on his fist), read him a Bible story, pray, sing him a lullaby, and lay him down. By the time I lay him down, he is almost asleep. It's great!
Naps on the other hand have been a bit trickier. For a long time he had been taking two 2-3 hour naps a day. Right now though, I can barely get him to sleep a full hour at a time. Most naps are over in twenty minutes. I think we need to establish a better routine for naps, and I think I need to discourage cat naps, and try to get him to go back to sleep if he wakes up to early. 

Diapering: I have finally gotten a handle on exactly what I'm eating that causes Cai's diaper rashes. I've found I can't have any fresh dairy at all. I can have butter, milk, etc. if it's baked inside things. I can't have cheese in any form. As long as I stay away from these things, he is totally rash free. I feel like cloth diapering helps with this too. We've had to use disposables a lot this week (we were without heat and hot water for a day and a half, so I couldn't wash the diapers), and it has made me super thankful for cloth. We had THREE blowouts in two days. I've never had one in cloth. In the defense of the disposables though, Cai has been pooping less lately, only once or twice a day (common for breastfed babies), and when he does poop, he poops A LOT. The elastic in the cloth diapers seems to hold this in better though. One of the nice things about the less frequent pooping is that if a little dairy slips into my meal, it doesn't affect his tushie as much as it did before.
Overall, Cai is a really easy baby. Like, to the point that I'm afraid that baby number 2 (Lord willing), will be quite a shock. Again, I know this could change at any moment, so I'm trying not to take it for granted. 

January 20, 2015

What Cloth Diapering Looks Like for Us

We've decided to use cloth diapers on Cai. I saw "we," but it was mostly something I felt strongly about, and because my reasons made sense, Steve agreed.

My main reasons were as follows:

1. The long term savings.
I haven't done the math, but others have, and I'll link to some posts about it at the end, but cloth diapering saves tons of money. It is an investment in the beginning (although there are ways to buy them without breaking the bank), but long term it's much cheaper, especially if you have multiple children because the same diapers can be used for more than one baby.

2. Fewer chemicals on my baby's tushy.
This was my biggest reason. Standard disposable diapers are filled with chemicals. Have you ever broken open a standard disposable when it's wet and looked at what's inside? Basically the pee gets absorbed by gel beads. We used Huggies and Pampers in the beginning because they were given to us, and there were a few times when the gel would come out of the diaper and I would struggle with wiping the beads off of him.

I'm no cloth diapering expert, and I hope I don't sound like I'm pretending to be one, so let me make some disclaimers.

1. We did not start cloth diapering as soon as we got home from the hospital.
As I already mentioned, we were gifted some disposable diapers (though not as many as some of our friends when their babies were born...I think because we registered for chemical free diapers and cloth diapers, people were afraid to get us anything, so most just didn't), so we used them. We also tried out some small packages of Seventh Generation, Honest Company, and Baby Ganics diapers (which don't have the gel fillers). Also, with the frequency of diaper changes in the beginning and the fact that I didn't want to be doing extra laundry while recovering for major surgery, I decided it was okay to wait a few weeks.

2. We don't exclusively cloth diaper.
We still use disposables. The main reason for this is that sometimes it's just easier. When we go up to my parents, I don't always even bring the diaper bag. I left a pack of Honest Company diapers and wipes at my mom's house, and because I breastfeed, there's very little else we need to bring with us. Usually, I put Cai in the Moby wrap, and we trek up to my parents house with just the pacifier, so it's way easier to use disposables then. Steve is also still a little intimidated by cloth, and both of us find it easier to use disposable overnight.

g diapers
Long before Cai was born, my sister-in-law gave me a slightly used set of G Diapers in both newborn and small sizes. She also gave me some of the disposable inserts. I have since then bought several washable inserts.
G Diapers are a three piece hybrid diaper. They are "hybrid" because of the disposable insert option which can be flushed (if ripped open first) or composted (urine only). We used the disposable inserts in the beginning because we didn't have enough washable ones and because we were using a barrier cream on his diaper rash which can ruin the absorbency of cloth diapers.
G Diapers velcro in the back which is different than most diapers. They are also three pieces (except the newborn which are two pieces); a cloth shell called a G pant, a plastic liner that snaps in, and the disposable or fleece insert. In the beginning I really liked this set up because I could replace and wash just the inner one or two pieces. This was great because we didn't have that many and because it made for less laundry. This option isn't that exciting now because he's rarely dry enough for me to replace just the inside; he wiggles so much that the inserts don't protect all that well.
I did buy six slightly used G diapers on ebay in the next size up.

Kanga Care
'Lil Joeys
These diapers are made exclusively for newborns and they are an all-in-one (AIO) which means there is only one piece, o stuffing or folding. They function the most like disposable. We bought a two pack of these from Babies-R-Us to try out, and we really liked them. Unfortunately, Cai grew so fast, and we bought them so late, that we didn't use them for very long. However, we know that we really like them, so we will buy more for baby number two (Lord willing). If we had more of those, I would definitely cloth diaper much earlier. I like these and the g diaper newborns because they are tiny and made for a newborn. Most cloth diapers are "one size" and can be adjusted with snaps as baby grows. This is convenient and money-saving, but I don't think it's fair or practical to put those HUGE diapers on little bums.
We also bought two Rumparooz which are a one size pocket diaper. A pocket diaper is one that you stuff with an insert (or more than one insert if you want more coverage) before use, then use as normal diaper. I stuff all of my diapers as I fold them, so they are ready to go when we use them. The Rumparooz have a cool insert system called the 6r soaker. It's basically two absorbent inserts with snaps on them. You can use them in a variety of ways; the newborn insert by itself when baby is little, snapped together for overnights, or folded in different ways to provide more coverage in the front for boys. They are a one size diaper, so in  the beginning they are quite bulky. I think I will like them more as Cai gets bigger. They are super absorbent and don't leak, but I feel like he can't lay normally because of the bulk. Both of the Kanga Care diapers come in awesome colors and patterns.

Fuzzibunz Perfect Size
These are another pocket diaper. Fuzzibunz makes one size diapers also, but we've chosen to get the "Perfect Size" which come in a few different sizes but are still adjustable with snaps within those sizes. We bought two in size small, which we are using now, and twelve lightly used in size medium from ebay. I think these are my favorite because they work well, but are slim and not bulky.

Cai is wearing Fuzzibunz
Companion Products
Seventh Generation Baby
I like the use of plant based ingredients in this detergent. The baby version is made specifically for cloth diapers and is safe for HE washing machines.
Coconut Oil
We've found that unrefined virgin coconut oil works best on Cai's persistent diaper rash (due to something I'm eating, but I have yet to figure out what). It is safe to use on cloth diapers. We buy ours at Wegmans.
Earth Mama Angel Baby Diaper Balm
I bought this at Wegmans. It's all natural and mostly organic and safe for cloth diapers. It smells good too. It's nice to use on the go because it takes up less space than a tupperware container of coconut oil.
MotherLove Diaper Rash and Thrush
I really like this one. My sister-in-law gave me some samples from the store where she works (Luvaboos in Rochester, NY), and it worked great. It's also all natural. I like that it can help with yeast rashes or even on your nipples if you and baby get thrush.
Wet bag
If you cloth diaper you need a wet bag. We have a big one (again from Luvaboos) that I keep hanging on the door knob. I throw everything in there and wash the contents and the bag every day or every other day. I also have a small wet bag for the diaper bag if we are using cloth diapers on the go.
Cloth Wipes and Wipe Spray
I was resistant to the idea of cloth wipes at first, but they make so much sense. It's so much easier to throw everything in one place instead of having to throw diapers in the wet bag and wipes in the garbage. Plus, it gives me control over what I'm putting on Cai's bum instead of the chemicals in most wipes. I fold my wipes and put them in an old Huggies wipes container so that they pop up just like store bought wipes. I keep a spray bottle on the changing table and just spray his bum or the wipe. My wipes are just cut up king size flannel pillow cases that I wasn't using. The spray I use is basically castille soap (I use Dr. Bronners), witch hazel, and some melted coconut oil. It all works really well. I find I need fewer cloth wipes than I would disposable wipes. We do use disposables on the go though.

I was nervous about washing my cloth diapers because I kept hearing about this thing called "stripping," and it sounded intense. From what I've read, however, stripping is only necessary if the diapers start to smell, cause ammonia burns, or lose their absorbency, and if you wash them correctly (and only use cloth diaper safe ointments) you shouldn't have those things happen.
So after some research and some advice from my sister-in-law who runs a diaper service, this is my routine:
-Dump the contents of wet bag and the bag itself into the washer.
-Run diapers through a cold rinse ("Rins/spin" on my washer, lasts 20 min.).
-Wash on hot for the longest cycle possible with half the recommended amount of detergent (I use my machine's "sanitize" cycle which is 2 hrs. and 2 min. long. I also use Seventh Generation Baby detergent).
-Run another cold rinse.
-Dry on low heat or hang to dry (weather hasn't permitted this yet.

I do this every night or every other night depending on how many diapers we went through. I also wrote it all down  and taped it to the cabinet in my laundry room so that Steve would know what to do if I were away for some reason.

*Note: These are washing instructions for an exclusively breastfed baby. The method changes if you are formula feeding or if baby is eating solids*

On making cloth wipes and one example of solution
Washing instructions from GroVia diapers
Cloth Diapering 101
Cloth diaper styles explained
8 Tips if You're New to Cloth Diapering
Homemade wipe solution recipes
More recipes

January 18, 2015

Cai Alexander: Two Months Old

Cai is two months old today, and it has been a wonderful two months. Seriously, we have the best baby ever. He is so easy going and happy. We are well aware that this may change, but as of right now, even his fussy times aren't super bad.

Cai is a very happy baby, especially first thing in the morning. I love laying him on the changing table and watching him stretch and then smile. He's still a very active baby. When I change his diaper, I lay a little baby washcloth on him to avoid being "anointed," but it's very difficult to keep that washcloth in place because he is SO wiggly sometimes!

He's also very strong. He holds his head up when held upright; I know I sound like a typical mom, but he looks much older than he really is just because he holds himself upright so well.

His two month well-baby check went well. He gained two pounds and eight ounces and grew two inches making him 11 lbs. 12 oz. and 23.5 inches long. It's amazing to me how proud I am knowing that he has grown because of the nourishment my body is providing for him. His baby acne has cleared up as well as his cradle cap. He still has that stubborn diaper rash from something I'm eating, but I'm still not sure what, and it's very mild compared to what it was awhile ago. We've found that putting organic unrefined coconut oil on it helps the most.

Christmas Day. This outfit is almost snug

Cai is wearing 0-3 month clothing right now, although some of his little sleepers are getting a little snug already. This is absolutely crazy to me because the same outfits were comically large on him when he wore them on Christmas Eve.

Our little man is becoming quite "chatty." He coos and even squeals sometimes. I LOVE it. We have conversations all the time. The talking tends to come along with smiles and kicks, so it's great to watch! He's especially chatty and smiley during diaper changes.

Our little Houdini manages to break
out of his swaddle often
Cai continues to be a FABULOUS sleeper. Most night he gets up only once, if at all, usually between 4:30 and 6:30. I change him, feed him, and put him back to bed. In the beginning, I was so afraid that I was teaching him to only fall asleep by being nursed, but he wakes up on his own after I feed him and is usually quite alert when I leave the room, but he falls right back to sleep on his own. Some nights he sleeps through the night. Thursday night he slept from 9:00 to 7:00 then went back to sleep until 10:00. It was great! He also naps really well. I almost always lay him down awake and swaddled. Sometimes he'll lay quietly just looking around for a little while, but then he usually sleeps for 2-3 hours. He naps shortly after waking up in the morning until around 11:00 then usually goes down for another long nap around 1:00. After his second nap, he dozes off and on until bedtime. His most awake and alert time is between those two long naps. Right now, he naps in the cradle between the kitchen and the living room and sleeps in his crib in his room. So far he is a pretty sound sleeper. Last night I woke up because I could hear Cai making noises on the monitor (he is a VERY noisy sleeper). I heard him grunt loudly, then Steve, who was asleep next to me, made the same grunting noise. It's so funny to notice ways that they are alike.

I try to read to Cai often. We read a Bible story from The Jesus Storybook almost every night. We also read other books sometimes during the day. Sometimes he'll sit still for them and others not so much.

Cai enjoys listening to music with his daddy. One night last week, I had to drop something off at my parents house, so I drove up quickly and left Cai with Steve. When I walked in Steve "shushed" me because he had put Cai to sleep on his chest by listening to Thousand Foot Crutch and Smashing Pumpkins. Another evening Steve put on Pandora and the two of them danced to Coheed and Cambria. It's neat to see the two of them interacting that way, especially because I know it's frustrating for Steve when Cai tends to be fussier in the evening after he gets home from work.

Meeting his cousins!

This little onesie is packed away with all of his other newborn clothes :(

January 07, 2015

Ideas for the New Year

Ah! My mind is buzzing and flitting from idea to idea right now. My fingers are itching to crochet. I barely did any crocheting during my pregnancy. I don't know why because while trying to become pregnant, I made all sorts of things. It was therapy for me. Whenever someone announced a pregnancy, I coped by making them something. Every time I thought I was pregnant I would make things for our future baby (which is why Cai has two baby blankets and I have more stored away). But during my pregnancy, I didn't make much.

But suddenly, I have so many ideas I don't know where to start. Last night I messaged me best friend, who is expecting baby #3, her first girl, and told her to find some ideas on Pinterest for things she wanted me to make for baby girl. I had made things for her first two, including a baby blanket for each of them, so I want to make some things for baby girl too. She sent me a bunch of ideas last night which started me on a Pinterest search, and I found tons of ideas.

Which leads me to a plan I mentioned her on my blog months ago. I'd link to the post I mentioned it in, but I don't even remember when I said it. I want to open my Etsy store again. Actually, I want to open a new Etsy store. I had planned to open it in June, but then I got pregnant and it never happened. This time though, I don't want to do any custom orders; I want to build up some product, list it all, and add new things as I make them. No pressure, No deadlines, Just creating. I know it sounds crazy with a new baby, but if I set aside some time during naps or after bedtime, I can get significant amounts done at a time. I also have some stock already that I have set aside to give as gifts, but I can list those too. And I have the perfect name for it, which I'm not going to share now, but I will if I can get this going again.

Mainly this post is just to blurt out all of my ideas and tentative plans, but I'd also like to know what kinds of crocheted things you would buy. Not just baby things either. Tell me your thoughts and ideas! In the next few weeks I' m going to try to set a date for myself to get this all officially started and maybe even plan a giveaway and a grand opening! Ah! I'm so excited.

January 06, 2015

Just Some Baby Eye Candy...

Yesterday, Cai kept me entertained while I organized my closet and cleaned our bedroom. I felt like yesterday was the first time he smiled because he was happy to see ME, not because he was amused by the noises I was making or the way I touched his cheeks.

He gets cuter every day especially because his baby acne is clearing up and the hair he lost is growing back. I love looking at him so much it's almost painful!

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