An Unexpected Source of Comfort

This week, unexpected hope has sprung up within me. I haven't been feeling very hopeful lately despite the fact that I've been having regular cycles.

But with that hope came impatience. I want a baby. I'm tired of waiting. And sometimes, the wait of these years (five in August) of waiting press on me, and I just lose it. I break down into tears that bring with them a physical pain in my heart and my gut. I actually feel like I can't breathe. Thankfully, today I was home alone when that happened because I lost it completely. It didn't last long, but it was messy.

And then comfort came in an unexpected form. My hyper puppy walked across the room put his paws up on my lap and snuggled me. As soon as I started to pet him, still crying, he put his paws on my shoulders and hugged me. I am aware of how much I sound like a ridiculous pet owner, and I'm laughing as I type this, but I'm not kidding when I say he hugged me. Paws on either shoulder, leaning on me, and a little tongue popping out to kiss my tears.

And then I laughed. Laughed at the reminder God gave me that I am loved. Love by the people, and the creatures, that he has put in my life with his great sense of provision. And loved by him with an everlasting love.

When my crying stopped, Finn laid on the floor in front of my couch and took a nap, just like normal. But that hug helped.

I know I sound a little silly, maybe even a little nuts, but I thought it was a story worth sharing.

New Living Room Furniture

In addition to organizing my plethora of yarn and finishing our hallway, I (along with Steve) moved out our old couch, which you can see in this post and brought in some new ones from Ikea. 

Actually, Steve wasn't around for the actual removal of the couch, I did that with a couple I had never met before. We had decided to give the old couch, which was still in decent condition, to a missionary family that our church supports, and since they are still on the mission field, some friends of theirs moved the couch for them. It was nice to know that the couch was being put to good use.

Anyway, Steve had just gotten his year-end bonus and we decided to use some of it to replace our furniture. The old couch had served us well and we really did like it a lot, but it limited the arrangement of our living room making it so that no matter how we arranged it, it blocked our windows. We were actually having problems with it blocking the baseboard heat and, in a way, pushing the heat out the many windows. 

We didn't want to spend a fortune, so we went with Ikea's Ektorp couches in Svanby gray. We bought both the regular couch and the sofa bed. We are SO happy with them. Of course, we had to train the dogs not to jump on the couches anymore, but so far that has gone smoothly. The best part is, if we run into any accidents, the covers are removable, dryclean-able, and replaceable (for like $50!).

We also bought new throw pillows. The yellow ones I bought on Etsy, but the other two sets are actually from Target's outdoor and patio department. So is the striped "pouf"; we decided we needed an ottoman because we no longer had the recliners built into the old couch.
We also decided to build an entertainment center. We bought two Ikea Billy bookcases and one Besta shelf. I put them together. I seem to be the furniture assembler in this house, most of the time. As much as people say Ikea furniture can be junk, the quality of these was a thousand times better than any I've bought at Walmart or Target. Together, the shelves fit perfectly in the space between the wood stove and the wall. I mean perfectly, maybe less than a quarter of an inch to spare. It looks so much neater than it did before.

Except those chords. Anyone have an inexpensive solution for hiding those messy chords?

We're also looking for some new artwork for this room. Something to hang on the wall to the left of the entertainment center. If you look at the link to the old couch, you can also see the canvases I covered in scrap paper and hung on that wall. I don't like the look as much now, and since we took them down because we weren't sure which wall we'd put the entertainment, I decided I would keep them down until we found something better.  I can't find anything I like that is in our price range. Grr.

Anyway, we're happy with the homey look of the new furniture...

...and apparently Finn likes it too.

How 'bout you? Any ideas for living room art or hiding chords?

Be...

Today I am feeling:

• Fat
• Pale
• Childless
• Hopeless
• Restless
• Bored

So, I'm going to post an encouraging verse that I have been bombarded with from multiple sources recently. I made myself a little printable to hang up, and I thought I'd share it.

Peace and Quiet

Disclaimer: The following post is not a plea for sympathy (though perhaps for continued prayers). Rather, it is  just my attempt at putting some stray thoughts I had last night into some order, and perhaps to give a glimpse into the inner thoughts of someone going through infertility. It is just a first draft of the first poem I've written in a long time.

“Peace and Quiet”

A woman sinks onto her couch with a sigh.

Thankful for quiet, for peace.

A mother.

Thankful the baby is finally asleep

After hours of fussing.

A tooth coming in.

She hears a noise.

Her two-year-old is out of bed again.

She rises with a sigh,

Counting down the minutes

'Til her husband comes home from work.

Thankful for her little ones,

But wishing for a rest,

Even a short one,

Instead of a long night.

A woman sinks onto her couch with a sigh.

Listening to the loud silence.

Thankful for the rest,

And hoping for peace,

After a day of teaching other people's children

While longing for her own.

She hears a noise,

And looks down at her faithful dog with a sigh,

Counting down the minutes

'Til her husband comes home from work.

Thankful for the quiet,

But wishing for a baby,

Even a teething one,

To cry in the night.

Family Photo Hallway.

Ugh. Today is my last day of Easter vacation. Don't get me wrong; I love my job, but I'm not ready to give up my vacation. I thought I'd end the break by sharing a bit of what I accomplished over my week off.

Our house is a ranch house. If we had shopped for our house like normal people instead of buying it from family, I probably never would have picked a ranch house. Our living room is big and open, as is our dining room, but all of the bedrooms and bathroom are off of this long dark hallway.

We decided to use this hallway for some purpose other than getting to those rooms, so we started collecting pictures of our grandparents and great grandparents with the plan to line our hallway with pictures of the people who have helped shape us and who we are. I don't have all the pictures I want yet (I have no pictures of Steve's mom's parents/step-parents) which is why there are bare spots, but thanks primarily to my cousin Jessica and Steve's cousin Abbey and a few other family members, we were able to collect a bunch of photos. 

I was originally inspired by this photo I found on Pinterest...

Source

...and went for a similar look. Rather than spend a BAJILLION dollars on frames we made multiple trips to Dollar Tree to pick up inexpensive frames. I sent out some photos to be printed and printed some at home (which was its own kind of expensive). And I bought Command strips to mount them to avoid the pain of measuring and lining things up just right. Overall, I guess it wasn't really a cheap project, but it cost far less than it could have.

Once I had all the photos framed, I planned out my arrangements by measuring each stretch of wall space, then using the tape measure to get an idea as to how many photos could fit in each area.

It took a couple different attempts before I got everything just right.

I then took some painting tape and marked lines on the walls. I'd like to say I was very precise about this, but I pretty much just eyeballed it. A door separates each stretch of wall, so I'm pretty sure any discrepancies aren't noticeable. 

Then I pretty much just started sticking the photos up. There was not science to the spacing, again, just eyeballing it, but the tape worked as a great guide to create a uniform space between the top row and the bottom row. 

I have more work to do, but overall, I'm REALLY pleased with the look.

Grandmothers and grandfathers, mostly portraits.

Great grandparents and great great grandparents.

Grandparents as couples (this is my favorite section) with space for the missing grandparents.

How have you filled up odd wall spaces?

Yarn Organization

I love to crochet. And I, therefore, have a TON of yarn. I mean a ton.

This is what I started with. Well, actually, this was after hours of winding up yarn, throwing out several massive knots. I also had to collect it from all over the house; a basket in the living room, two baskets in the closet...suffice it to say, it was annoying. And a little embarrassing.

I used what I had and went out and bought a couple more of these.

So I embarked on my yarn organization journey, and I went from a big pile, to this:

This hangs on the back of my spare room/craft room door.

And these hang from the bar in the closet. 

I put smaller scraps and bits in the shoe organizer behind the door. I wrapped the little bits of yarn around clothespins. Plastic colored clothespins that of course matched the yarn. The bigger rolls of yarn are in the other shoe organizers in the closet. 

I'm pretty pleased with the result and thought I'd share the idea.

Hopin' Jehoshaphat!

I wonder where the saying "Jumping Jehoshaphat came from. I have no idea, but I was reminded again today of why his story in 2 Chronicles 20 is probably my favorite story in the old testament. Have you read it? Because it's flippin' awesome.

You can read the whole story here, but let me give you the highlight reel.

A few different groups of people rise up against Judah (Those pesky Moabites and Ammonites again), and in response, the king, Jehoshaphat, declares a fast throughout the whole nation. People come from all of the cities to pray together.

Jehoshaphat leads his people in prayer, praises God, tells Him what's happening, then ends with (I love this part!), "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You."

To me, that sentence is PROFOUND. First of all, for any of us, but especially for a king, to admit to everyone around that we have no clue what we're doing is really difficult. But then, he doesn't try to come up with a plan, he looks at God, expectantly.

And the Spirit of the Lord comes upon one of the men and He says through him, "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed...for the battle is not yours, but God's."

Another stop you in your tracks moment. Not only does Jehoshaphat not have to plan the battle, he also doesn't have to fight it. God's going to fight it for him.

But wait, it gets better. The army goes down to the wilderness where the enemy is, but instead of preparing for war, God has them put singers and musicians out front to lead the way singing "Give thanks to the Lord, for His steadfast love endures forever!"

And they don't have to fight. At all. The enemies end up destroying each other. They are all dead when Jehoshaphat's army arrives.

I love the way the story ends, too. "And God gave them rest on every side."

Oh, I wish to live my life this way.
To take every problem to the Lord, trusting that He has a better plan than I could ever come up with. To not worry about the outcome, but to praise the Lord for his steadfast love which endures FOREVER.
To march into each battle praising my God.
To not fight, but to trust Him to fight for me.

Sometimes I'm not quite sure how this kind of faith should be played out in my own life (and there I go, taking the reigns and planning again). Even now as we wait to see what's next in our infertility battle, I have so many different battle plans; diet changes, homeopathic doctors, naturopathic doctors, chiropractor... (and believe me, that's a short list. Google PCOS and try to sift through the plethora of things that might work)

But I guess I have to learn to just wait. Let God make the plan. Let God reveal the plan. And fight the battle.

And that's not to say that we sit back and do nothing. I'm not looking for magic here (although God could miraculously cure me, I know), but I need to learn to listen for His direction, give Him my worry, and praise Him through it.

This story has gotten me through other battles too. Relationships with others, discipline issues with students, and more. I constantly have to remind myself to stop trying to take matters into my own hands and let God have control.

Like Jehoshaphat.

(What do you think? Should I get this story tattooed on myself somewhere?)